Tuesday, December 27, 2005edit:
ignorance is bliss, how true is that?
i duno if d computer and the internet is a gd invention or not, like how i found out sth abt sumone, is it a gd thing that i found out now? or maybe i shld jus nvr find out abt it and jus live my life normally? no way man, god has to let me stumble on all this crap.my whole life changed at that very instant just liddat, snap, a blink of an eye.im so lost, i duno wad to do.theres no way i can act normally now, what shld i do? shld i jus pretend that i duno anything abt it?i dun deny im disgusted by that fact, and i duno if im right to feel this way, i mean i cant deprived sumone's choices, ppl have choices.but wad shld i do? i wana cry but i cant at d same time.
i regret all of this, for not treasuring stuff in my life, for not making an effort to do anything, anything at all, its all so screwed up, just so screwed up.
i need to talk to sumone, but im afraid to.
im just screwed my whole life is screwed.
am i really fine with this?do i really mind?can i really accept that?shld i even try?maybe i shld jus pretend,dat everything's really alright.
ha,hu am i kidding, everything's definately NOT FINE. AT ALL.
i made a mistake.
i wanted for the long time to mention abt d tsunami victims ystd, cos its been a yr since that thing happened.
sumtimes i wonder if im like too overly ambitious, like i want to b a gd person, but its just too hard.like i keep wanting to make a difference to d problems in this stupid corrupted society, but its jus so hard to do, wad the hell can i do? i keep thinking and all, but i've really have done nth.its so argh.i think im like one of d few ones that thinks abt problems like that, and dats really sad, i've been told recently dat im a gd person, i was happy ya know? at first, but then i thot abt it and i realised dat im not, a gd person.i do wrong stuff all the time, i laugh and joke and b happy dan rmbred dat my dad is gone, and feel guilty.but wads d use? and my grandpa just passed away,i can jus forget abt it for a whole day? if im like dat, how am i gonna b a gd person?sumtimes i wonder if im being silly like wanting to make a difference.this stupid society is so screwed up, and ppl who have d influence to do sth r doing nth, it not fair.and me, i have na ah, so shld i jus give up on it? its gonna b hard for me to not worry abt society probs.cos i worry alot, i mean im a weird person.i preach alot, i just feel so screwed up abt my purpose in life now, it didnt happen for a long time, but its here again.
i dun even know why im blogging this, like wads d point?